Thanks For The Memories Dad!

My Dad was born on the 27th November 1926 and he left this life on the 9th

My Dad. A proud man, a hard worker who taught me many lessons and gave me a few limiting patterns too!

October 2002, just short of his 75th Birthday.

His health was poor and he had spent seven years living in a residential home as he needed 24 hour care after my Mum had died.  Right to the end though he still had his sense of humour!

He had the heart attack that ended his life whilst I was away in Corfu with my partner Simon and my Daughter, she had wanted a holiday as an 18th birthday  present, her boyfriend was supposed to be joining us but ended the relationship three days before the trip.

The day before we left for Corfu, we visited my Dad who had been in hospital for a month as his health was deteriorating, the home he was living in said they couldn’t have him back and we were looking for a nursing home.  That evening as my daughter left the hospital room in search for coffee, i said to my Dad, “tell Sarah her hair looks nice”, she was suffering from a broken heart and I thought a visit to the hairdresser would be a good idea, it would have been except for the fact that she hated her new look!

On returning to the ward with coffee in hand, Sarah said to her Grandad, “You’re looking brighter today grandad” to which her Grandad replied, “that’s more than I can say for your hair!” I cringed and was so cross with him although I could see the glint in his eye!  My dad had the most amazing green eyes, unfortunately, not of us kids inherited green eyes, three of us have a sore of blue/green colour with the other two having brown eyes like our Mum.  I reckon there must be some Irish Heritage somewhere along the line, the green eyes and the penchant for alcohol being the reason.

Anyway, I often talk about my Mum and how I miss her, but actually,  I didn’t get close to my Mum until the kids were born.  I was always a ‘Daddy’s girl”.  I always sat on my Dad’s knee when he came in from work and gave him no peace, so he used to say,  as well as accusing me of driving him up the wall’.  So when I was around eight years old and he had a nervous breakdown, I thought it was my fault!!! I thought I had caused it, what ever it was, although I couldn’t see anything broken.. i literally thought I had driven him up the wall!!

My dad was never the same after that… he stopped whistling and singing and something seemed to have died in him but I had no idea what, how or why.

I think my interest in the mind came from this time,  I trained as a Psychiatric Nurse in the late 1970’s and later as most of you can tell from my website have trained as an NLP trainer, Mind Coach and Hypnotherapist.  Back when my Dad was sick he was given Valium Tablets to which he came addicted and the addiction caused more problems than the initial breakdown.

Anyway, thats the way it was back then.  But my Dad still left me with lots of funny and happy memories as well as beliefs and values, some help me and others have caused me problems.  Like wanting to do everything right, to be a good girl.  My Dad was a strict guy, brought up in a large catholic family and had alsorts of rules to live by.  When anything was wrong in the house or broken he would line my brothers up and say that he could see a bulb above their head and it would shine on the one who was the culprit.  I stared and stared but never saw that light, but I learned to tell the truth just in case!

My brothers were born very close in age, first Michael, then Joe and shortly after the twins, John and Anthony.  For a month my parents had four children under three! image all those nappies!!! and there was no disposables in those days, not that my parents could have afforded them.  My Dad worked days as a self employed, window cleaner, decorated and handy man, working all hours to bring in the money to feed five hungry kids.  My mum was a nurse, she worked nights so she was around to look after us during the day.

I remember my Dad being strong and fit, always carrying his ladders on his shoulders, riding a bike everywhere, even taking me to school in style, across the front cross bar which was very uncomfortable.  Until the breakdown that is, then the ladders got left leaning against the privets in the back garden.  They only got used when my brothers couldn’t get in the house after a night out, we never had a key and the door was usually open unless it was late at night.  I got used to bodies clambering into my bedroom in the early hours of the morning.  It was quite funny though when my brother’s girlfriends stayed over, they had to kip in with me as we had no spare bedrooms and they couldn’t sleep in my brother’s room.  So the girls would freak out they woke to strangers coming through the window! hahaha!

My Parents loved a drink, but my mum was never drunk, just tired, or so she said!  They never touched a drink when we were all young, their only night out was for dance lessons, they were great dancers and I can remember dancing around the room on my Dad’s toes. They discovered a social life when I was around 14 years old and regularly went out to the pub with their friends Tommy, Winnie & Jimmy. I remember lots of laughter until poor Jimmy got bowel cancer , still in his 40’s and died.

Winnie & Tommy introduced my parents to holidays ‘abroad’.  They initially visited Rimini in Italy and then discovered the pleasures of Spain.  Parties on Pollard Lane where we lived consisted of dancing in the bay window area of the front room to the sounds of ‘Viva Espana’ drinking the cheap, duty free plonk my parents had brought back.  These parties were often reciprocated with our neighbours and friends the’Talent’s’ who had 12 x children, similar age to my parents and similar taste in holidays and duty free!

Oh dear, the first time I had too much to drink was at the Talent’s party, Andrew & Mary had been to Tenerife and brought back large amounts of orange Liquor.  Josie my best friend was filling tumblers up of this stuff for me and I was daft enough to drink it!  The next day I remember my mum waking me with tablets and water after returning from work, giving me the hard word and no sympathy what so ever! I didn’t eat an orange for at least six months after that!! ….. Happy Memories 😉

When I was 15 my Mum & Dad introduced me to Lloret De Mar, this was where I fell in love for the first time.  His name was Paco, and he was a waiter behind the little bar called “Bar Mediterraneo”.  Poor Paco couldn’t speak a word of english, we used to just give each other lingering looks over the bar as I sipped on my Iced Snowball.  On the last evening of our holiday my Dad let Paco take me out, don’t get too excited, out meant 20 minutes time only to the small discotheque next door.  A great memory for me although we couldn’t talk we had a quick snog and danced to the Stones Satisfaction!  The bar always played Max Bygraves Music and every time I hear his tunes I think of my first love and my Dad worrying that I might disappear with the poor land and never be seen again!

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My Parents had eight grandchildren, seven granddaughters and one grandson, my son Adam.  Adam doted on his grandparents especially his Grandad. My dad used to dance around the living room with Adam in his arms, humming tunes out loud.  Adam learned to hum those tunes before he could even  talk.  My dad loved a cup of tea and embarrassingly, filled Adam’s bottle with milky tea and sugar as a treat.  To this day Adam loves his cup of tea and he is now 32 years old.  He lives in Bangkok, Thailand and always has friends take his Yorkshire Tea when they visit. At least these days Adam has his tea without sugar!  At Adam’s recent marriage and speech he related to how his Grandad influenced his life, talking about how he stirred the tea loudly to disperse the sugar leaving bubbles on the top, these bubbles were lucky and although Adam relates the story much better than I , he seemed to think the bubbles had something to do with him celebrating the happiest day of his life so far.

There are so many funny tales I could talk about my Dad, one of the funniest was in 1990 when my now ex husband and I had just bought a large restaurant in Whitby, North Yorkshire.  We were short staffed so had my parents helping us out.  One day my Dad was helping in the kitchen and was asked to butter a toasted teacake.  He was wearing his bi-focal glasses which can’t have been very good, because he ended up mistaking the bowl of butter for a bowl of mashed potato!  I was the one that had to explain to the confused customer!  All my Dad said that he thought we had got a new type of butter with a better consistency!

As it is a celebration of my Dad’s birthday the last story I will tell you is of my ex Husbands 40th birthday party.  I had organised the event at our restaurant and brought my dad along in his wheelchair.  I was busy through the night ensuring everything ran smoothly and must of been neglecting my Dad.  Unfortunately, he was being very well looked after by everyone who spoke to him, saying he needed a drink.  Crikey knows how many whiskies he drank that evening, but I do remember being up all through the night, chastising him like I was the adult and he was a teenager in-between me holding up to be sick every hour as he recovered from his drunken state!

Oh dear, I seem to be showing my Dad in a bit of a bad light here.  He was a proud man, always smartly dressed, always wore a shirt and tie and even when he was paralysed down the left side and spending his days in a wheelchair, he spent hours polishing his shoes, always highly polished, maybe a remnant from his army days.

My dad was a proud man, worked hard, played hard, could be cruel at times but I believe he just wanted the best for his kids. He adored ‘Lily” his wife and my Mum although they used to fall out.. a lot! and I miss him, I miss his cheeky sense of humour, his smile, his moods even.  He was the best cook, better than my Mum and I miss his Sunday Dinners. which reminds me…

Just one more story..

On Sunday we had to go to church, Dad didn’t go but we had to, then as a treat we would watch the afternoon black and white movie on TV.  We would have pop from the pop man including Orange Squash and Dandilion & Burdock and could have sweets to watch the movie with.  Not any old sweets mind, we couldn’t have ‘junk’ but we could have ‘smarties’.  Smarties were my Dad’s favourite and they are mine too! good for you???? LOL! Mum always had raw peanuts and I remember the lads having  Riley’s Chocolate toffee Rolls, Chocolate Chewing Nuts and Midget Gems.

I am happy that my Dad did get to meet my Hubby Simon and see me ‘settled’ before he died.  I remember introducing Si in the hospital and later my Dad telling me to ‘not mess this one up’! I was so cross at the time but chuckle now when I think of his words.

In case you are reading this Dad just want to say,

Happy Days and Sad Days wouldn’t have missed any of the journey Dad.

Love you, look after Mum and enjoy a ‘La Mumba” up in heaven.

Ange xxxxxxx

ps.  If you have any memories of my Dad.. please share 🙂

(Through my work  as a hypnotherapist and coach I have helped many people overcome grief. If you are struggling to move forward, hypnosis might help.  Take a look at the link to my hypnosis page by clicking here)