Relationship Crisis can mean an ending or a new beginning

People talk about crisis all the time whether regarding our personal relationships or the state of the nation.  I grew up thinking a crisis was a bad thing, something to avoid at all costs, Something to fear, I was wrong.

Now I see it differently.

A crisis is an opportunity to make a change.

As I usually refer to personal experience in my blogposts, this one is no different.  Something happened three weeks ago, I could relate to the story, the content, the juicy gossip but that isn’t what’s important here or my intention of writing this blog.

I came to a point of knowing, from a place deep inside my being, a calm, comfortable acknowledgment that this is the end of one way of being.  This knowing didn’t feel like a crisis but in everyone’s eyes, on the outside looking in, it certainly looks like a crisis.

To be honest,I have my moments of doubt and insecurity, worries about the future and what is going to happen, millions of tiny thoughts making up big bright scary movies in my mind, thoughts that in the past I would have deemed important enough to grab my attention and allow me to keep in control, so I could prevent anything threatening what was important to me.

In those moments of doubt, I reach out to the community of coaches I can rely on to help me realise that all those thoughts are in my mind and the panicky feeling is just evidence of my own moment to moment thinking at the time.

What the heck?

You are probably thinking I am talking in riddles, or if you have been having conversations with me over the past three years, you are more likely to be nodding your head and sensing the wisdom within my words.

The thing is that since being introduced to the principles behind clarity and immersing myself in the understanding of the inside out nature of life, the way I live my own life as well as how I coach clients has taken a dramatic turn.

I stopped using a bunch of techniques and strategies that in the past seemed like magic because I saw that every single one of my clients already has everything they need inside of them to be ok.

When I had breast cancer five years ago, I reframed the experience as an opportunity to walk my talk, to show others that ‘this stuff really does work’.

This stuff being everything in my toolkit, such as NLP strategies, hypnosis, kinesiology, tapping etc.,  I showed off to everyone I knew, how I had watched all the Star Wars movies after surgery, laughing at how I thought the anaesthetist had downloaded the suggestion whilst under anaesthetic, and later deciding I would be zapped with Jedi Power at every radiation treatment.

It was only over the past two years that I questioned, “But, where did the thought really come from to watch the Star Wars movies or use jedi power?”

Insight

The insight I received was that I was tapping into my own wisdom.

Sydney Banks is a name you will hear me and others in the three principles community use often.  His books and lectures simply point to the wisdom inside each of us.  We are all the same, we all have the same innate capacity for insight, to tap into our own creativity, we all come from the same pot, we are all in the same boat.  As human beings we are all equal, we can see the lighthouse beacon but right now we are all in the boat.

Understanding

The reason we all have stress in our lives and think crisis is something bad is due to a simple misunderstanding around how life works and where our experience is coming from.  One of Sydney Banks quotes keeps playing in my mind right now:

“If the only thing people learned was not to fear their experience, that alone would change the world”

Clarity

We truly are all in the same boat, we help each other on the journey as we experience the  ebbs and flows of life.

My job as a human being and coach is to show you in the best way I can not to be afraid.  For a long time I was avoiding and suppressing emotions, not consciously.

Infact, I was pretty good at telling my metaphor using a pen to describe how we avoid, suppress or express our emotions when there is always something else we could do and that is to let it go.

I had no idea how much I was doing this very thing, avoiding and suppressing emotions.  Until I got insight into my own protective mechanisms, taken onboard over time via my own insecure thinking as I formed beliefs and values through my experiences.  I had built a mirage inside my mind, a fort to keep me safe but in effect was keeping me trapped in fear.

Now I see clearly, so many people are doing the same thing, Its almost like I have x-ray vision, I want to help them see, but I can’t do that, all I can do is gently point them in a new direction where, when they are ready they will see for themselves.

We are always coming from fear or love, when you see that we are all made of the same loving energy, it becomes easier to see beyond behaviour, beyond stories, beyond the movies we play in our minds, and when we see beyond the fear all that is left is LOVE

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Danger:

As an added note it seemed important to point out that as a human being it is perfectly normal for us all  to experience a whole range of emotions, where they be the nice stuff like love and wellbeing to the lower range of shame and guilt.  Nobody is better than anybody else, this isn’t in anyway condoning unproductive behaviour in any way, but when people act in a way thats not serving them or others, this is an indication of how far they are lost in their faulty thinking of how the world works.  How we judge others tells us more about ourself and our own clouded view of reality.