Life Lessons I learn from my daughter…..

As I sip my hot flat white coffee at the bustling seaside café which is full of Christmas holiday makers, all here in Mooloolaba to experience a hot, sunny beachside break from their usual day to day living.  I find my mind wandering back to the last time I saw my daughter.

I arrived into Newcastle Airport in the North of England on the first of December, with the intention of,  sharing  the whole month embracing a traditional Christmas season with my Daughter Sarah,  and my five year old Grandson, Harvey.

My flight was the first to arrive that day as Britain was covered in a blanket of snow, the result of the blizzards’ that were filling the news even as far away as Australia, as traffic was brought to a halt, business was stalled and people stayed at home safe from the perils of Icy roads, low visibility and the fear of becoming stranded.

The snow was still falling, silently and thickly as I walked out of the airport terminal and I was met by an Icy blast of cold air that hit my face and woke me instantly from my jet lagged, sleepy state into an immediate sense of maternal panic as I thought of my Daughter travelling on the treacherous roads in earnest anticipation of seeing mum arrive from overseas.  I had told her not to set off from Whitby if the weather was bad, but I knew she would as she has a determined personality,  this is a pattern of behavior she has exhibited since the moment she was born, fighting for breath as her heart was configured wrongly and she was slowly suffocating.  Nobody expected her to live and we were told to prepare for the worst.  I sort of knew she would live though and was proved right, as that was Christmas 1984 and it is now December 2011, and she is on her way to meet me, here at Newcastle Airport.

The sight of her little red car sent my heart leaping into the air with allsorts of mixed emotions, relief that she was safe, sheer excitement at seeing her smiling face ad then as I noticed the tiny face with blue eyes, smiling at me from the back of the car, Slight guilt at my annoyance that she had not only risked her own life by driving in the snow but my Grandson, Harvey’s life too.  But then again, I often have a sense of guilt around my Daughter.  I still sometimes think that maybe I ate or drank something whilst pregnant that caused her heart to develop the wrong way round, or maybe it was some obscure thought I had, as I know our thoughts can affect our physical body.

I still worry about her health and wellbeing even though she is a twenty nine year old grown women with a child of her own.   I worry that she is a single mum, having left her partner after eleven years, due to his preference to alcohol, where his tastes were anything cheap as well as vodka, whisky & rum, in no particular order.  My daughter is tiny like me, but unlike me, she takes after her Dad’s gene pool where she tends to gain weight easily.

As she stepped out of the car, I hugged her tightly and tears flowed down both our faces and the guilt was still there in me as I noticed how much weight she had gained since I last saw her.

What is it with me?  What causes me to judge?  I love my daughter unconditionally and I hate myself for even thinking she should look or behave in a particular way.  Our minds work so quickly and almost in the same instant, I vowed to just be there for her, to support her, to love her and to avoid advising her of the latest exercise techniques or offering nutritional advice.  Instead, I made a promise to myself to focus on how beautiful my daughter is, inside and out, what a wonderful mother she is to Harvey, much better that I ever was!

And, I look at her with gratitude, for all the lessons she gives me, and all she teaches me through her being perfect just the way she is!

Below you can see Sarah and Harvey enjoying the christmas atmosphere in Harrods, London