We see the world how we are not how it is.
I work as a life coach, but I am also a human being, which means I have challenges, ups and downs, both physically and mentally, just like you.
As this year has been one of major growth for me personally, this post is written from this point of view. But, what I point to isn’t personal to me. My intention by sharing is to point you in a direction where you have an opportunity to gain your own insights.
The only difference between you, I and another individual is how we interpret our circumstances.
If you believe the statistics, we are supposed to experience high levels of stress at Christmas, when we go on holiday, get married, get divorced, have a baby or move house. In reality, we all have different feelings around these events. So how can these statistics be correct?
My intention in this post is to point you in a new direction, to what’s really going on. Highlighting a fundamental misunderstanding around stress. When you realize this for yourself, life becomes much easier, no matter what life experiences come your way.
Ups and Downs
This year has been a bit of a roller coaster for me for sure. I have had moments’ when I have lost sight of the truth, believing in the hype, old, faulty programming around stress. I have felt sad, low, angry, frustrated, scared, vulnerable and lost. I have also felt joy, peace, love and happiness even though my outside experience hasn’t changed.
I started the year living in Yorkshire having left Australia six months earlier with the intention of staying, having separated from my husband. But early in the year made the decision to return to Queensland, with the idea of starting anew in my relationship. The decision came with my daughter’s blessing. We were both sad at my leaving, but know our love is always there no matter where in the world we live.
I returned to Australia, found work at a retreat specializing in stress part-time whilst also working at a physiotherapy clinic in my role as remedial masseuse. along with connecting with online coaching clients.
Only a few months after returning I found myself living alone. As much as I consciously wanted my relationship to work, I realized I had been listening to the conscious delusions of my thinking and not my innate wisdom. At times, I felt scared, lost and lonely, I knew not to trust my insecure thoughts, no matter how convincing they were.
Having been introduced to the inside out nature of how life works in 20ll and since then completing Jamie Smarts Clarity Practitioner Course. I truly know I am ok, even when I feel sad, lost and lonely.
I knew I was ok.
Now through listening to my wisdom, taking each moment as it comes rather than trying to analyse and figure out the future. The future is unfolding in a beautiful way.
My husband and I are the best of friends.
We are both learning through our challenges, we have a deep love for each other no matter what the future may hold.
Understanding and realizing that my feelings about my circumstances where telling me about the quality of my thinking in the moment, were all I needed to not take myself so seriously. I knew it would pass.
Just like the good times pass too.
How?
We are all in and out of our thinking moment by moment. Sometimes we go down a train of thought, making ourselves feel bad, I know I do. But the moment I realize what I am doing, is the moment I stop and just having that realization creates a space where I can reset and it’s the same for you.
There is information in the feeling. But, it’s important to realise our feelings only job is to be an indicator of the quality of our thinking in the moment. Just like the temperature gauge in a car, the temperature gauge is only interested in giving information about the temperature of the car in that moment.
Our feeling’s only job is a feedback mechanism, and has nothing to do with our circumstances, although it often does seem that way, especially in challenging times, it really does seem that our feelings are coming from outside influences, circumstances, challenges, events, but it never works that way.
I can remember as a child and adult, getting really upset, hurt and wanting to hold a grudge and stay in my angry upset thinking, but I never could, my mood would change and I saw the world and situation with new eyes. There is always opportunity for new thought, a new perspective and with new thought comes a shift in our feeling.
The more you or I realise, it’s the fact that we are thinking and not what we are thinking, that is causing us to feel a particular way means, we don’t have to change our thinking! We just have to realize we are thinking, and thoughts pass, like the weather. Storms come and go but the sky is always there.
We are more like the sky, sometimes the warm sunshines through and then the storm clouds come along with thunder, lightening and pouring rain, but we know the weather will pass, just like our moods, we just have to trust the process. Learning to be grateful for our high’s and graceful in our lows.
What helped me through my challenges this year, when I was in a low mood, rather than try to figure things out, analyse to the hilt or try to change my thoughts. I distracted myself from them, by going for a run or a walk along the ocean. Giving time for my mind to settle, for the noisy thoughts to recede.
When our thoughts settle, we create space inside our mind for something new.
I saw with clarity, that when I was feeling bad, I was believing what I had heard, I had asked experts for their opinion, I was influenced from the outside, looking for answers on the outside rather than trusting my own natural instinct.
We all have our own innate wisdom. I often use a metaphor about thought being like a brass band inside out mind with all the instruments playing at the same time, it gets really noisy in there, but sometimes, when the noise settles, we can hear the soft flute playing gently in the background. That flute, is our wisdom, always there, never goes away.
We sense it but often ignore it as we are too busy listening to the noise.
You might recall those moments when you say, ‘I knew that’ but didn’t act on the thought. That’s your wisdom trying to get your attention.
Future Challenges?
I have no idea yet, what my future holds for my husband and I. But we are the best of friends and for now that’s enough.
All we have is the present moment, the past is just a ghost in our mind, to make up a memory we have to delete, distort and generalize the information to create a snapshot. So how we remember isn’t the whole story.
And the future doesn’t exist, it’s just a fantasy in our mind.
All we have is this moment.
Sometimes I see the illusion and sometimes I get lost in thinking. That’s normal,
But the more I realize that without thought, the outside wouldn’t exist, the more at ease I am, the more I take myself and my thinking with a pinch of salt.
This doesn’t mean, to stay in a relationship that is abusive, or harmful, but rather, leave the relationship from a clear, quiet mind, where wisdom is the guide.
Even as I write these words, I have moments of doubt, old thought patterns that creep in as my internal dialogue tells me that I am not making sense in my writing, not to post it as who would read it anyway.
And, then I take a deep breath, let those thoughts move through and wait. The next thought might (and did) suggest I read through and change a few words and then to let go of my anxiety as I don’t have to get it perfect.
And, in any case, what I am pointing to has nothing to do with the words I am saying, it’s about the feeling, it’s about who we are before thought.
I am pointing you back to love.
Now What?
If my words resonate and you would like to know more.
Drop me a line and we can arrange an online conversation, free of charge.
If after connecting, you would like some further coaching, my introductory program that would be a perfect start to seeing life in a new way.
MIND-LESS -Online Coaching Program
http://www.angelafarlam.com/mind-less-the-truth-about-stress/
Or take a look at my website to learn more by clicking here.
What are you focusing on right now?
Are you thinking about what is wrong in your life or are you looking through the eyes of gratitude?
What do you have to be grateful for?
Resources:
Books:
- Jamie Smart – Clarity
- Michael Neill – The Inside Out Revolution
- Jack Pransky – Somebody Should Have Told Us.