I received a lovely blog comment this morning which was just what I needed to motivate me to carry on writing my blog here.
As ongoing treatment in prevention of my cancer returning I was advised by my oncologist and other Doctors to take Arimidex. This tiny tablet is responsible for stopping oestrogen from going around the body. As my cancer was the type that feeds off oestrogen then it makes sense to starve the little blighter of food so it can’t thrive.
The trouble with taking this tablet is the long list of side effects as a result of stopping the oestrogen. The major one being the immediate onset of menopause and its symptoms, such as weight gain, mood swings, dry vagina, low libido, hot flushes, night sweats, headaches, migraines, fatigue, osteoporosis and more.
One good thing is that I had a routine bone scan before starting the pill so we have a starting point and at least my bone density is really high for someone of my age although as my Doctor pointed out, from taking the first table my bone density will immediately begin to lower.
Most people appear to have more anguish around having surgery, radiotherapy chemo etc, than they do about taking a little pill but I am me and this little pill has been my challenge to come to terms with.
So I have now been taking the Arimidex for two months and am very pleased to say that I feel ok, well more than ok really, I am relieved to have lots of energy on most days, my weight has remained constant and I admit to have been slightly paranoid about this to the point of jumping on the scales every morning.. I have experienced a few warm flush sensations throughout the day but nothing that I can’t cope with, but there is one thing that is bothering mean and that’s the sex, or lack of interest and even Christian Grey, you know 50 shades? isn’t doing it for me at the moment.
On seeing my Oncologist for a follow up appointment I mentioned this to him and without hesitation said its the Arimidex.
It’s funny isn’t it how we aren’t really that fussed about something till we can’t have it and then we want it all the more! 🙁
I feel deprived! and to be totally honest I feel guilty, guilty for not wanting sex with my hubby and guilty that he might read this post and even more guilty that other people who know me might read this post and the list of guilt goes on and then the worry, what if hubby gets fed up and yes I know he loves me but this experience is a challange and I am writing about it here so all you women out there taking Armimidex know that you are not on your own with your thoughts and feelings which comes on top off already feeling a bit vulnerable as a result of having bits of our bodies chopped away and perhaps having low self esteem.
Life is a bitch at times!
And…
it’s ok to feel all these feelings and then to go and do something about them, I am working on my own stuff and the first job is to accept myself right now, warts and all, this is me this is my life and I am learning a little bit more about me every day.
Feeling fed up and looking for inspiration
The good news is that there is another little pill…. this one allows oestrogen to be just in the parts where its needed.
I will let you know the results in a later post 😉
So when I get to feeling a bit down about my stuff one thing I do (andthis isn’t an official nlp technique or anyone elses other than Angie’s technique) is to write things down but just words not sentences. I write words that have a negative emotion right through till I get to words that produce a positive emotion and somehow magically I begin to feel good again.
Here is an example of mine below and you can go away and use your own words on any negative emotion you are feeling.
tablets
pressure
moods
expectation
love
sex
missing
guilty
grateful
plan
organise
prepare
accept
remember
enjoy
I often ‘tap’ on my feelings using TFT(thought field therapy) or EFT(emotional freedom technique)
which is like a magic tool. I first assess my mood on a scale of 0-10 where zero is feeling great and 10 is feeling pretty bad.
I know that my friend Madonna Robinson is running courses to help you learn EFT and utilising essential oils along with tapping to supercharge the benefits. I have started doing this too and am experiencing the benefits.
I just want to say that although I naturally have a bubbly positive personality, I do have ups and downs just like everybody else and through my blog here I want each and everyone of you to let go of having to be perfect, its ok and normal to go through a range of emotions.
I really felt out of control when I was advised to take the Arimidex, I know it is my choice but it feels like i am playing roulette with my life as the chances of the cancer coming back if I choose not to take the tablet are greatly increased.
So for now I will carry on and be grateful for having so few side effects and to look up at the day, see the beautiful view, smell the roses and look for the good stuff so I can feel good whatever is going on in my life.
We learn from every experience in our life and I know the power of the mind, even though I am a hypnotist sometimes I forget to take charge of my brain and allow it to control me by going along with the unresourceful thoughts and then I remember that I have ways of changing my response to those thoughts which empower me and so I go and do something about it.
Now … wheres the phone to make that Doctors appointment 😉