They’re in a mood!
How often have your heard those words
When our thinking is negative, our feelings and perceptions will exactly reflect those negative thoughts and feelings in the moment. If we trust these feelings and perceptions our lives will look bad and we will go down a negative spiral.
Whatever mood a person is in is their present reality, trying to coax someone out of a mood is like pouring oil onto a flame.
So what can help?
Warmth, understanding, compassion and a respectful sense of humour are the only things that can help.
Mood as defined by Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary (1989) means a “conscious state of mind or predominant emotion”. When our mood is high, we feel good and vice versa.
No one really knows why our thinking changes the way it does, giving us a different feeling state. One moment we could be sat watching our children playing and feeling relaxed. Moments later we are depressed and thinking about problems.
Although we may respond to our low moods differently, we all experience our low moods in similar ways. The thinking that creates low feeling states often has many of the following characteristics:
- Our thinking increases.
- Our thinking turns towards problems.
- We experience a heightened but distorted sense of urgency, like we need to sort the problem now.
- We feel self conscious as if we are the centre of everybody’s attention.
- We have a pessimistic outlook. We notice limitations and are blind to possiblilities.
- We entertain many negative thoughts, emotions and concerns.
It is not the mood, the feeling state, itself, but how we relate to it that determines the quality of our life.
If we look closely, we see our moods change constantly throughout the day and our perceptions go along for the ride.
Most of us in a good mood feel relaxed, energetic, carefree and compassionate. However, in a low mood there is a larger variation in how we show up in the world. Some get aggressive when they are down whilst others become quiet and distant.
Our moods provide an important function, like a navigational system, the way we are feeling at any given moment tells us the quality of our thinking in that specific moment.
Just as physical pain informs us about what’s happening in the body, emotional pain informs us about our thinking and understanding.
Everytime a mood shifts, it brings a new perspective, a different view of the reality. Wehat we see and think right now differs from what we saw and thought a few minutes ago.
Moods are like an elevator in that they move up and down throughout the day.
Imagine life as an elevator, with moods being the floors we visit, sometimes we can be in the basement, at other times in the penthouse or any floor inbetween.
- Basement – doom and gloomthinking I’m getting old, why is everyone always judging me? Nobody understands me, my job is a dead end, everyone is doing better than me.
- All is not Right in the World – I don’t like my life, there’s lots of bad people out there, it’s not fair that I work harder than my wife/husband on our relationship, Everybody’s out to cheat on me
- I’m Okay.Life’s Ok – My job is good when I have the right attitude. My mate isn’t as bad as I thought, Life looks good
- Gratitude –Life is so interesting, I’m lucky, People are so well meaning, Theres so many great jobs. I’m so grateful to have these tools and strategies.
- Inspiration –There is now way to go wrong in life, Ideas are flowing though my mind, I’m here to learn grow and develop, My self worth is a given, We are all equal.
In A nutshell.
Our moods come and go.
When you are in a low mood, don’t make important decisions.
When others are in a low mood, don’t hold it against them or try to argue with them.
Being understanding will help others to feel better.
As you see peoples moods, you will learn when to trust what they say or do and when its wise to give them some space.
Stay open to the possibility that your mood might change at any minute. Just realizing that, will bring in new thought that will change your feeling state.
Angela Farlam
Information taken from the wisdom of Sydney Banks
Plus: The Relationship Handbook – George S Pransky Ph.D